Madden 2007

So I just bought Madden 2007 for my PS2... life couldnt get any better today... or so I thought. I came home, just got my franchise set up (Go Chargers!), had just started my first preseason game and the BOOM! my PS2 freezes up, which it continues to do with each new try. I think I may hang myself now...

Are all women crazy?

Seriously though? Are they? How come everything can be going seemingly perfect, yet she still finds things to worry about and get stressed over? I mean, sometimes I feel like girls are trying to ruin a good thing. Why would you do that? I have basically spent the last 6 days with Natalie, and it has been amazing. Its never been this great with a girl so quick, not even with Morgan. And at first it was cute that she kept worrying about us, but now its just crazy. I dont know what more I can do to convince that my feelings for her are real and that Im not scared of commitment. Whatever, girls are beyond comprehension to me. I will incredibly upset if this thing doesnt work out with Nat because she overthinks it all. On another note, the 4th of July was awesome, just sat on the beach all day and drank, hung out with friends, and turned cherry red! Natalie is an amazing girl that Im falling for, and so it was great to hang out with her all weekend. But I just needed to blow off a little steam about girls being crazy. So a message to all girls: STOP IT! Use logic, on behalf of all men, I beg you.

They should make a reality show about me...

My life had been really boring lately. Wake up, work out, go to work, come home and sleep. Wash, rinse, repeat. Really it has been like that for the last few months, nothing at all interesting to talk about. But if you know me, you know that I like, well, difficult situations, if you will. On Sunday night, however, I took the boring right out of my life. Let me give you a little backstory before I get into what happened Sunday night. About 2 weeks ago (at Matt's Bachelor Party), I met a girl while I was in an incredibly drunken stupor (nothing new for me). For this girls protection, lets call her Katy. Well, I woke up at Katys house the next morning, vaguely remembering meeting her. Now I instantly knew that I was not interested in Katy as a girlfriend or even as someone I would like to casually date for awhile. But since life had been boring lately and I hadnt had much in the way of girls in a LONG time, I decided I would at least hang out with her from time to time, for a bit, just because I had nothing better to do. I hung out with Katy about 10 days later, the first time Id seen her since I woke up at her place. This was last Thursday night, and this was also where the trouble began. See, when I got to Katy's, her good friend, lets call her Nicole, was there. Within 5 minutes of talking to Nicole, I knew she was the kind of girl that I would love to date (and if you don't know, I have a 5 minute rule, being that I feel within 5 minutes of meeting a girl I can tell if I would be interested in her or not... its not foolproof however). But I figured it wouldnt happen, here I was hanging out with her good friend. On Sunday night, a couple nights later, I went to hang out with Katy again, and who did we end up picking up from a bar? You probably guessed it, Nicole. "Great," I thought to myself, "I am going to be forced to hang out with Nicole and have to secretly want her." Although, after a few drinks, I realized it didnt have to be a secret (everything seems like a better idea when you are drunk, I think we should all have to do the things we say we are gonna do when we are drunk all the time, how funny would that be?). Well, long story short, I went out to a bar with Ben, left the girls behind, but since Katy lives walking distance from Ben and my car was at her place, we planned on me coming back to stay at her place. Oh, and did I mention Nicole was going to be staying on Katy's couch? Because she was. So the plan was set, the liquid courage was in place, I was going to walk into Katy's, get on the couch with Nicole and tell her how I felt (I was fully prepared to be rejected flat out, also accepting that it effectively meant an end to Katy and I hanging out, but that was all fine with me. It may not sound like it from the way this story is going, but I really am a hopeless romantic [gay, I know], and I always figure that we shouldnt let anything stand in our way when we think we could have something special with someone). So I landed on the couch and had a nice talk with Nicole, ultimately laying it out there that I had a little crush on her. And to my surprise, she did too. I didnt know what to do, like I said, I fully expected to be rejected. Now I was just winging, but I am pretty good at that while intoxicated, so we devised our plan on how to make this thing work. And this is where I stand now, trying to make the switcharoo, its all very Seinfeldian (the Menage-A-Trois episode). I hope that it works, Nicole is a really cool girl and seems like my type (according to Andi, my type being a girl who will "whip me into shape"). Its pretty crazy drama, but really, Im happy that its back in my life, things were getting way too boring.

Coining another phrase and misinterpretation...

First of all, I have to love to how many people totally read my last post, ignored what I actually said, and then tried to argue a point. If I say that I understand you cannot own a person and I do not mean to imply it by saying yours, then why would you read it any other way? If I admit that it is selfish and not virtuous by any means, why are you going to argue that it is selfish? If I clearly state that it only applies to people you truly cared about a loved, why are you going as if I said it applied to every girl you've ever had? Nick read this, interpreted in his own way, argued it with his own (mis)interpretation, and now everyone seems to think what I said is what Nick said. Not that I dont think Nick is an intelligent person, because he is, but having my English degree, Ive learned a lot about reading and interpretation. And there were those in English classes who read things and interpreted them how they wanted to, ignored what the writer was atually saying, ignored circumstances, and then used this interpretation alone. Trust me, they did poorly in class. If I say something clearly, maybe you shouldnt argue it. If I say I don't think "yours" implies ownership, then take me at my word, I am being honest. Try and read the rest of the blog in my mind set, not how you want to. And finally, people are acting as if I think that the girl has absolutely no say in this whatsoever, which is an absolutely absurd assumption. Why would I think this? Of course the girl has final say over anything, after all, she is of free will. Like I said at the end of that blog, don't make arguments with me if you are going to make invalid points based on false assumption and misinterpretations. I should also add, be honest with yourself and with me if you want to argue it. We would all like to think we are saints and we never act selfishly or solely in our own interest, but its not the truth. Deal with it.

On another note, Id like to coin a new phrase. Anyone who knows me, knows this about me... I fall in and out of love very easily. Now, for those of you who have trouble with interpretation, I dont mean real, true love. By love in this case I actually mean I get a crush on them. Ive decided that this should be known as a "Brad Crush." I am fickle, I am picky, I easily find flaws in others. However it may seem though, I really believe that each girl could be the "one." I really do, this is how my brain works, and probably, this is how bad I just want to be in real love. My current "Brad Crush" is this girl that I work with... she's cute, seems to have a good sense of humor, and does the same thing I do for a job. This is now a good time to mention that Brad Crushes are mostly based on first impressions. I hardly know this girl... I think Ive talked to her all of two times, maybe seen her three or four. But still, in my head there is a chance this girl could be the one. But don't be fooled, she surely is not the first crush Ive had since Ive had this job. She is approximately number 5. I have had this job for 6 months. You heard it, 6 months. And this isnt something new for me... I recall back in 1st grade, having the hots for at least 6 girls at a time. Its not that I actually want 6 girls at a time, I just want to see everything thats out there before I make any final decisions.
I will say about this girl, however, she is the first of my crushes in awhile that I actually have a legitimate shot with. The others were either a little too old for me or nurses (For those of you who are not familiar with the ranks and what not of the medical world, EMT's are kind of the bottom feeders. Most nurses will not really give you the time of day, and in a way, rightfully so, we are kind of the bitches. Nurses mainly go for Paramedics and Firefighters, because they are the bad asses. Now, naturally most EMTs want to and eventually will become one or both of those things, but just as we have to work our way up the career ladder, we have to work our way up the nurse ladder.). This girl, on the other hand, is my age, she is cute, but not that cute. She has the same job as me. And from the 5 minutes of conversation we have had, I think she would fit just right. My case and point for how much I really just want to know this girl and I shes not just some hotty that I want to get with... apparently she has quite large boobies... and I never noticed this. Me. I didnt notice it... which to me means only one thing, it must be love, love, love (I say this all with tongue in cheek, mind you). Who knows though, the next time I write a blog it will probably be about some other girl or something like that. We'll see...

My "Grandfather" Clause

A very interesting subject has come up in conversation a few times over the last couple weeks, and I have presented a clause, if you will, on this (although I know that clause really isn't the right word for it, I am going to use it anyway because I like the way it sounds). Basically, what I argue is that if ever a girl has been "yours," then in a way you always have the right to make her "yours" again, even if just for a night, whether or not she has a boyfriend (of course this is with her consent, I do not endorse most forms of rape). I know this needs clarifying, so be patient. Now, I understand that you can never really "own" a person, and that is not what I mean by her being "yours." I mean it in the sense that your heart belonged to her and hers to you. Sappy, a little, but we have all had this experience. Now what I believe is that if you have had this with a girl, then she was yours, and even if she now has a new boyfriend, there is nothing wrong on your part if you hook up with her or even steal her back. The argument being that she was yours first, and you have a Grandfather clause with her. There are obviously exceptions to this, as there always are. But the reason this exists is because it is wrong to hook up with a girl or steal a girl who is with another guy. I have been cheated on before, and let me tell you, it SUCKS. So I would not want to make another guy suffer through that, especially for something trivial like a hook up. However, if she was mine first, I wouldnt feel bad, because, like I just said, she was mine first. Ive talked to a number of guys about this and everyone has agreed with me, mostly because everyone has at least one girl that they feel will always belong to them in some small way. I have two. And what I am trying to say is that if I hooked up with either one of them while they had other boyfriends, I wouldnt feel bad about it. And if another guy did it to me, Id understand where he was coming from. But I am curious what other people think about this. However, I dont want people trying to prove exceptions to me, because I know they exist. For example, if one of my two were dating a friend of mine, I wouldnt do it, because other rules come into effect. And make sure you understand what I am saying before you argue or agree with my point. I understand this point of view may not be the most virtuous, but I believe there is a selfish part in most all of us that feels this exact way.

San Diego Love and other random stuff

San Diego really is America's Finest City. Sure, it has its downsides, the cost of living is incredibly high, there are a lot of really shallow people, etc. But where else can you get weather like we have had year round? There have been some cloudy days lately, but can we really complain, its still not very cold, and for every cloudy day we have, we get 4 days full of sun. And in San Diego there is always something fun to do and some cool place to be. For me on Saturday is was at Cass St Bar and Grill (yes, a place I do spend a lot of time at, but not as much lately). Ben and I headed over there around 5, and thanks to wonderful daylight savings, we had a good two hours of sunshine left. With Cass being open like it is, it made the absolute perfect place to spend the last couple hours of daylight, playing pool, drinking cheap pitchers ($7 for Red Hook IPA), listening to good music (Ben and I dominated the jukebox), and just enjoying good conversation and a good time. There is nothing quite like a few beers near or on the beach to get a good night started off. Its times like that I never want to leave San Diego because Id have to be crazy to want anything more. Its also times like that I understand why so many people live in the PB or Mission Beach area and work low end jobs, making just enough to live, drink, and chill on the beach (although Im sure most of them get help from Mommy and Daddy). But I just understand it, I dont want it for myself, I like to have goals that go beyond "get drunk with friends at beach."
Anyway, Saturday night ended up being an incredibly random night, hanging out at lots of different places with lots of different people. The only real highlight (or lowlight, if you wish) was running into this girl I went on one date with about a month ago and then never heard from again. I thought that we had had a really good time when we went out, so I wasnt sure what happened, but I found out. When I ran into her, she wouldnt even say hi, she just gave me a cold look and that was all. I got the hint. Obviously I was really bugged by this, I had no idea why she would act this way toward me, for all I knew I had done nothing wrong. This eventually prompted me to send her a myspace message asking what was up. Well it turns out she was absolutely repulsed by my personality and had no problem sharing that with me once I had asked. I know that I can rub some people the wrong way, I just have that kind of personality, but I thought for sure I hadnt done this to her, after all, I thought we'd had a good date. Apparently at some points during the "date" (I put it like this because we just hung out at a few bars, not really a date), I mentioned that I like to act cocky and believe that I am the shit and also I must have made fun of some group of people or as she put it "hate" on others. Now, if you know me at all, you shouldnt be surprised by this whatsoever. Of course I did these things, thats what I do. But you should also know that I am not really like that. When it comes down to it I am a really nice, genuine person. I may act cocky at bars because it is fun and I dont care what people think of me there, I am actually somewhat humble. I suppose what bugged me the most was the she judged me as someone she "couldnt respect." I probably have should have used better judgement on the things I said around someone who didnt know me at all, but she still jumped to a huge conclusion and decided to hate me. I dont think I have ever met anyone who disliked me as much as she apparently does. Like I said, I have a strange sense of humor and tend to say stupid things, but I feel like the good in me always shines through and that I am a generally likeable person. But I guess not to everyone. In the end it is pretty funny.
On a few other notes, I have been talking to Carley a lot lately, and it makes me really happy that she and I can still be friends after all we have been through. I really do enjoy talking to her. I wish I could have that kind of relationship with more of my exes. I sent some random text messages to Morgan on Saturday night, but they were harmless and she actually responded promptly, that really surprised me. Anyway, Ive been sitting in front of this computer for a few hours now writing about the pathophysiology of different diseases and need to get up for a bit.

Isnt it strange?

Human attraction is such a strange thing. That is, the attraction between two people with romantic ideas. I just dont get it? But does anybody? I have this new theory that I can tell within 5 minutes of seeing and talking someone whether or not they are someone I could be attracted to. Now I accept at this point it is flawed, because my own history shows that I have been wrong about this. But I still think that it works most of the time. Most recently an example would be this: Theres this girl I had a few classes with last year, I always thought she was very pretty, seemed incredibly cool, just my type of girl. I also never talked her. Recently I found her on myspace (lame, I know) and we started talking. We ended up hanging out about a week ago. It was a fun night, and I was totally right about her, I think she could totally be my type of girl. And other than me totally being strange at the end of the night and I think accidently giving her the impression I wasnt at all interested, I think she had a good time too. Well I did my best to make sure I made it clear to her that I actually was interested. I think. But now Im getting off track. The point is, I had never even spoken to this girl (well, we may have said "hi" once or twice, but thats about it), but I still knew that she was someone I could get to be very interested in (Actually I still dont know for sure, but I have a feeling, I need to spend more time around her). Ive also known instantly that girls that are clearly quite attractive just arent my type, so I know its not even worth bothering. Maybe this theory just comes from all the experience I have had with girls, so I just know quicker. Or maybe it comes through cynicism, after having my heart broken a few times I dont even want to bother trying unless a girl fits a certain mold. Then again this latest girl doesnt really fit any mold, which is good.
Beyond that, its so strange that one person could be totally into another, and the feeling be not at all mutual. At the time, I can think of at least two girls who are interested in me that I have no interest in at all (Im not trying to brag, I bet if anyone thought about it, they could think of one or two of these people, too). They are both attractive, have nice personalities... they just do absolutely nothing for me. And I have been on the other end of this as well. Ive been extremely interested in girls who dont want to even bother with me. I guess sometimes we just have to accept that "its just not there." And thats the thing, we cant really define "it." "It" is intangible, really undescribable other than saying its that certain something that makes us attracted to someone. Although we can not confuse "it" with liking someone just because they dont like you. I am the king of that, wanting someone a lot mroe simply because they dont want me. Its like a challenge. But we all know that Im an idiot.
Human attraction is a funny, sometimes its exciting, sometimes overwhelming, consuming, intense. Sometimes it drives us crazy, breaks our heart, and makes us cry. But I guess its all just a part of the human experience. And really its all pretty funny when you think about it.